I am alive. More or less.
Hey everybody.
I know not many are reading my blog, because I write rarely. Since Corona happened and Supernatural stopped airing, I haven't felt any desire to write something. At first I thought it wouldn't be that tough, because I love staying at home and read, play games or watch TV, what was totally cool, when the semester hadn't started, but now...
I feel a bit lost and sad right now and I don't really know why but also I know...
In my next Semester, I wanted to do an internship at a library and I got one in Scotland which I so desperately wanted. I was so happy, but also anxious, because I would be apart from my home and my husband for 6 months. But I was excited as hell and then qurantine happened. Yeah and I will be not able to do my internship. So for now, I have nothing and I need a plan and have none. Should I change the semester and leave all my friends? Or should I search for another place?
Also I have so much to do right now. The semester startet regualrly two weeks ago and I have a ton of work I never had before. It is crazy, I never had such a ton of essays to do in such a short amount of time...I sometimes don't know how to handle it, but I do and I feel really powerfull when I finished a task.
But there is this ONE subject, whicht isn't even a main course and it is pushing me to my limits (not just me by the way). It's called "Ethic" and we get a task every week. We need to work on that task and than post it in our forum to discuss it with our group in which we were put. And I hate it! I hate it so much! I am tying so hard and give my best but there are two nerds and they really push it to far. The most time I don't even understand what they mean and I am not a dumb person, so I would say. And also they are really mean not in a direct way, but you can sense this animosity in how they write. I know I shouldn't let this get to me that much, but it does - and I am really afraid to open my mails to see another post. And because it is an ethical theme we work on and we should discuss and bring our opinions into it. I am writing what I am thinking, because my thoughts are my own and I put everything in my thoughts and my writing, not copying some science research I did. That's not your opinion and I think that's not how a discussion should work. If so they should just let us write some scientific work and let it be. But the two of them don't stop teasing me for MY thoughts and MY opinion and MY way of writing and it's going on my nerves I am angry, sad and I don't now why. Also the Professor pointed me, and only me, out that I should not use pdf in forum, although it was my first and only time using it. But others are doing it on and on and thats just fine, get it.
Seriously I know...I know I should let it go but I can't. Because I am an emotional person, because sometimes I take things too serious, because I am feeling down right now since a very long time and I can't handle it. I just can't I am crying and crying and it won't stop and everytime I thought I am over it, it starts again.
I am really not myself right now and I just wanted to get things off my mind, write it down and it helped me a bit to calm down. That's a really good therapy, I should do it more often. Also I watched two episodes of Supernatural and that always helps to feel better, to smile again and never give up. Thank you Sam and Dean for bringing me a bit of light in this darkness today <3
Puh that one was quite long. None the less have a wonderfull day / weekend, stay save and remember to "Always Keep Fighting!" I am saying it like a Mantra right now.
I know not many are reading my blog, because I write rarely. Since Corona happened and Supernatural stopped airing, I haven't felt any desire to write something. At first I thought it wouldn't be that tough, because I love staying at home and read, play games or watch TV, what was totally cool, when the semester hadn't started, but now...
I feel a bit lost and sad right now and I don't really know why but also I know...
In my next Semester, I wanted to do an internship at a library and I got one in Scotland which I so desperately wanted. I was so happy, but also anxious, because I would be apart from my home and my husband for 6 months. But I was excited as hell and then qurantine happened. Yeah and I will be not able to do my internship. So for now, I have nothing and I need a plan and have none. Should I change the semester and leave all my friends? Or should I search for another place?
Also I have so much to do right now. The semester startet regualrly two weeks ago and I have a ton of work I never had before. It is crazy, I never had such a ton of essays to do in such a short amount of time...I sometimes don't know how to handle it, but I do and I feel really powerfull when I finished a task.
But there is this ONE subject, whicht isn't even a main course and it is pushing me to my limits (not just me by the way). It's called "Ethic" and we get a task every week. We need to work on that task and than post it in our forum to discuss it with our group in which we were put. And I hate it! I hate it so much! I am tying so hard and give my best but there are two nerds and they really push it to far. The most time I don't even understand what they mean and I am not a dumb person, so I would say. And also they are really mean not in a direct way, but you can sense this animosity in how they write. I know I shouldn't let this get to me that much, but it does - and I am really afraid to open my mails to see another post. And because it is an ethical theme we work on and we should discuss and bring our opinions into it. I am writing what I am thinking, because my thoughts are my own and I put everything in my thoughts and my writing, not copying some science research I did. That's not your opinion and I think that's not how a discussion should work. If so they should just let us write some scientific work and let it be. But the two of them don't stop teasing me for MY thoughts and MY opinion and MY way of writing and it's going on my nerves I am angry, sad and I don't now why. Also the Professor pointed me, and only me, out that I should not use pdf in forum, although it was my first and only time using it. But others are doing it on and on and thats just fine, get it.
Seriously I know...I know I should let it go but I can't. Because I am an emotional person, because sometimes I take things too serious, because I am feeling down right now since a very long time and I can't handle it. I just can't I am crying and crying and it won't stop and everytime I thought I am over it, it starts again.
I am really not myself right now and I just wanted to get things off my mind, write it down and it helped me a bit to calm down. That's a really good therapy, I should do it more often. Also I watched two episodes of Supernatural and that always helps to feel better, to smile again and never give up. Thank you Sam and Dean for bringing me a bit of light in this darkness today <3
Puh that one was quite long. None the less have a wonderfull day / weekend, stay save and remember to "Always Keep Fighting!" I am saying it like a Mantra right now.
Kommentare
Kommentar veröffentlichen